Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
