Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
