I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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