she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Randomize
