it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Randomize
