I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
This is the high leading the old right now
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
