I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
