mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Randomize
