She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
