Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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