hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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