Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
