I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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