I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
is that a dick in a sweater?
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Randomize
