UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
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