apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
