You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Randomize
