I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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