please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
