glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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