I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
