i would punch a child for taco bell
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
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the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
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I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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