we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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