That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
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I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
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It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
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