He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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