you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize