He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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