So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize
