well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
