thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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