dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
be right there i have to get my cape
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
