Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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