Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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