My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
