I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
