you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
