Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
