Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
