mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
just come out here and I will go home with you...
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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