upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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