So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize