dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
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