Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
