last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
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