I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
