OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
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