I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
