He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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