He passed out mid-signature
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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