were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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