We're facebook friends in real life
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
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