it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
