i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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