i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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