Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Randomize
