official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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