I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
