Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
